House of Cards
I wrote this poem after receiving over fifty E.C.T. procedures, (I lost count after that). This so-called Electro Convulsive Therapy, or better known as shock therapy, was a double edged sword for me. On one hand it saved me from myself and spared my life. On the other hand it took EVERYTHING from me. From memories and education to a broken spirit and a bruised mind.
My house of cards it all falls down
Delicate memories burned to ashes, ashes they all fall down
A simple smile once so natural and real
Now just painted-on lines, kissed with a seal
Broken heart, wounded spirit and a mind that won’t heal
The fairytale ended with more story to tell
It came crashing down when my house of cards fell
What I thought was a dream was not at all what it seemed
From memories to ashes they all fall down, covering the ground without making a sound
Silent chaos rings loud in my ears, my vision obscured by cloudy tears
Forced to look inward, my biggest of fears
Raw, uncensored and crude, like standing nude in a house of mirrors
Years I’ve spent, hell bent on doing it my own way
Walking through hell left my heart just a shell
It all happened so quickly when my house of cards fell
A shock to the mind left hindsight blind, and the future to me was but a matter of time
Reality I found scattered around and my memories are ashes, burned to the ground
My fairytale life with more story to tell
It ended so fast when my mind caved and my house of cards fell
- Wesley Sep 27th
I have had my share of ECT procedures. All starting this year. I have had at least 30. I hate what it does to the memory, but I have to say with therapy and new medicine, it gave me my life back. I hate ECT and I hate being put under, but I am thankful that I once again survived my psychosis and suicidal ideations. Great poem. Please continue making these poems. It's a blessing to all of us here on Strength of Us.
- Jamie Oct 3rd
I can really feel the emotions as I read the poem. I too have had ECT treatments that took me from being suicidal to just past not being suicidal but didn't do much more good than that. After 35 treatments, the team decided to end the treatments because I was losing years off my life memorywise, I couldn't think at all, and it took my creative brain from me. Would I do it again, no, but it was a part of my treatment history that, without it, I wouldn't be where I am today.
You write from your heart and that is such a strength. Keep it up!